No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
