the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
