im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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