I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dear god my vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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