omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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