Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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