Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
