Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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