Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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