drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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