craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
