I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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