he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
