i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she smelled like a LAN party
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
