my vag is so smooth its legendary
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
