Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
