You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
