yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
