she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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