butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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