don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
