Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
