you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
