I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
