I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
