Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Randomize
