Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
