No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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