the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
