i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
