I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
