My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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