Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
