Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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