I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
