I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
