That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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