My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
