it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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