there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need a beard to bite.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
