she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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