Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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