know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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