Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
