john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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