Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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