Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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