I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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