If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
