we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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