can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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