the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
