I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
